Hello. If any posts turn up here in this blog which seem odd, a bit personal/diary/letter-y in style, and potentially littered with emoticons and spelling mistakes, it’s because I am an idiot and easily confused. It’s happened once already as you can see by the previous post.
What’s happening is, S is currently on his elective on the other side of the planet. It’s not always possible for him to get into his webmail provider so what we have done instead is set up a shared blog. If, like me, you’re about as techno-savvy as most peoples’ cats, it is for some reason quite easy to post to the wrong blog without really noticing.
If I post anything really personal/downright embarassing and you know any means of getting in touch with me quickly (email, text, whatever), please take pity on me and let me know! You can also comment as that will set off an email notification and then I’ll realise my mistake rather sooner than I did with the previous post.
With luck it won’t happen again :). I hope you’re all having a wonderful summer and I will hopefully be able to start posting interesting things again soon, but for the moment, things are pretty busy, between working full-time, finding a job back in Adoptive Home City to return to, and sorting out all my possessions in the vain hope that when I move back, in September, I’ll take fewer things with me this time!
Oh, and knitting. No pictures yet, because it’s a present for S. He knows he’s getting it and he knows exactly what it is, but nonetheless I’m keeping quiet.
Just about to undergo some kind of nightmare scenario in the bowels of Weston Bank Library. Going to have to use the STAR system (whatever that is) to check we have some articles (it’s a horrible, horrible system which tells you almost nothing useful with any speed) and then probably go and find said things in the stacks, where I’m convinced I’m going to get horribly lost and potentially end up starving to death before I get out. DO. NOT. WANT. On the upside, in 28 hours now this will all be over :D.
Missing you is strange. I remember getting over people in the past and once you’ve got over the weeks of crying and being totally shit at being a human being in general, there gets to a point where on some level you just ache with loss. Life feels a bit bleak and empty and you have to work hard to be enthusiastic about the things you like. As for the things you don’t like, they’re almost impossible to do because you’re far, far too short on enthusiasm.
So this kind of feels like that. Except, actually, I keep forgetting you’re gone at all, which is nice. I’m here in a place where you’re not, normally, so therefore I can quite easily get on with things with the sense that when I go back home, you’ll be there. And then I remember you’re not here, but I also remember that actually you’ll be back in only two months, and then I feel pretty silly for missing you in the first place. And that actually makes me feel really good about missing you because this is so very much better than if you’d broken up with me. I feel fantastic, because you’re coming back.
But still, it’s not ideal. I’m having to remember that most people keep their inner monologues in their head and you’re not here now to recieve mine as it goes. I fell asleep talking last night which was stupid because you weren’t there to listen. Also it was pretty cold, and I was wearing a onesie. Not ideal. And I can’t cook without burning things. I hope you didn’t throw the rest of those scourers away in the end because let’s be honest, unless I stick with oven chips and fried eggs, I’ll probably need them.
So basically actually this first day without you has been just grand. Although I haven’t done enough work, but I’ll keep trying, as I always do, and I know you’d give me a kiss for that. Presumably at some point I’ll be a bit less forgetful about the fact that you’re gone, or coming back, and feel a bit less confused.
I suppose that’s it really. I’m not sad, I’m just a bit confused and in a mild state of disgruntlement. Oh, and chuckling out loud at myself as I write this. Pretty sure you’d be laughing at me too.