Monthly Archives: December 2008

Some Good Things

I have green nail varnish. It is amazing. Also some pink and some blue, which I have yet to try out. I keep waving my fingers at myself just to see it!

I am going home tomorrow. As previously discussed, this is out-and-out A Good Thing, although I’m having plenty of fun at university.

On Sunday it’s the Carol Service, in a church in the middle of nowhere, lit by candles and heated by the steam we breathe out.

Then I’m going carol-singing the next day, and for a meal out, I hope, the next day.

Then it’s Christmas, at my aunts, with charades, a lot of food, and a lot of whiskey and Bailey’s and chocolates and such.

I’m going to a Masquerade Ball a few days later.

I took myself bouldering the other day.

The Climber’s Christmas Meal tonight was great fun.

I have a new dress, which is absolutely fantastic, and I’ve discovered heaven in the form of a fantastic antiques shop selling mainly jewellery bits.

In other words, life is good. I complain too much, but it’s good.

And I haven’t even mentioned Cake Day, or fire, or the cats.

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A Quick Update

Thirty-six days since I started taking the fluoxetine, and I don’t really feel much better. More stable than I was when I was first taking it, but I feel like I’ve sunk horribly low and just about dragged myself up to a level that is only slightly higher than I felt when I started taking them. And I’m exhausted, and I still feel sick, and I’m tired out, physically, mentally and emotionally. However, I’ve been told to keep taking them, and keep taking them I shall.

I’m hoping that going home at the end of the week will be the break I need, but at the moment the holidays only daunt me, since they seem to be one long round of work and running all over the country to visit people – people who I’d like to see, but not at the expense of having time to myself in my own space.

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Optimistic, To Say The Least

Wandering about the internet, I discovered a blog a while back called Letters2Soulmate. The premiss of this blog (please forgive me if I’ve spelled that wrongly), is that the author is writing to her soulmate, who she has not yet met, but whom she has every faith in meeting someday. Blind belief that she will find perfect love and a perfect ending to her story – or the beginning of an entirely new story, whichever way you look at it.

What I can’t work out is whether this blog is truly optimistic about this, genuinely believes it is her right and her destiny to have this happy ending; or whether it strikes a note of despair because she doesn’t quite believe it, but only wishes she could. And does she really know anything about love? This post, beautiful as it may be in your view, reads like a cliche, I’ll be honest.

Anyway, it got me thinking. I don’t believe that there is someone out there who is perfect for everyone. I don’t believe that even if there is that one person who is perfect for me, that it’s ever likely that I will meet that person. I don’t believe in the perfect fairytale relationship, and I don’t believe that my life will be incomplete if I never do meet someone who I could stay with forever. To be honest, love is a fucking mess, and if I could choose to live without it I quite probably would. But then I’ve had a bad few days, and I protect myself with cynicism, though I wouldn’t say I was a true cynic; I can’t quite rid myself of optimism; maybe it doesn’t have to be this messy.

What about you, dear reader? What do you think about the idea of a soulmate?

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