I’m nearly there. Looking back, I’m amazed that we expect our eighteen and nineteen-year-olds to be able to do this. I swear this takes more effort and organisation and initiative than the majority of first jobs, and honestly I’m so tired. I want something that takes up my nine-to-five, but which then gives me back my five-to-midnight (and the rest of the night as well). I want to know, this is work time. This is where all the work things happen. And then this time, this is when I sing. And this time is when I cook and eat and wash and clean and tidy and make it all ready to happen again because I have this time now – that’s the time I don’t seem to be able to find. I want, free of guilt, to know that this time is when I share a tub of Ben and Jerry’s, a teaspoon each, with S, watching a film and not a bit of me thinking, yes, but I should be doing that now. I want to wake up and think, ah! it’s Saturday, this time is when I get up and go outside and walk on things or photograph other things or buy things I don’t need (which, oh yes, I also have the money to have now). I want weekends which are different from weekdays, so that I don’t need to contemplate going out and staying out in the middle of the week because that’s frankly a bad idea and everyone knows that.

I’m pretty sure it’s too good to be true. But either way. Not long now. On the upside, I got my exam results a day or so ago and I’m pretty pleased as these things go. And on the really really upside, I have a plan for next year. Even better, it involves a lot of singing.



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5 responses to “Studenthood

  1. Flix

    It is so nice having time in which to do whatever you wish, guilt-free. It is so nice to have the money to do the things you wish. Well done on your results and hope the rest pans out as desired. What’s the plan for next year?

  2. Lucy

    Oh oh oh?

    I don’t miss the guilt one iota. I’m not gonna lie.

  3. I can’t wait :).

    Plan is research assistant type jobs if I can, if not, anything that pays especially if in some way it counts as relevant work experience in some quarter of my life or other. Meanwhile, stick with my current quota of A Zillion Choirs and Other Choral Commitments, have a lot of singing lessons, and attempt to do my DipABRSM in said. And also find an orchestra to play in. Plan after that could go any way of about two or maybe three, but I’ll keep that off the nets for now.

    Oh, yes, and walk more and climb more and maybe try becoming an assistant scout leader and possibly do some exercise.

  4. This is sorta why doing a PhD is really rough as fuck; it can frequently be more than nine to five, and the guilt stays with you all the damn time. Good on you for wanting out.

    Glad you’re pleased with your exams, and that you’ve got a plan you’re looking forward to. There’s really nowt much better in life.

  5. I would consider a PhD in the future; I don’t mind the long days at all – frequently did those as an RA over the summer and longer woldn’t hurt. Problem as you say is the guilt and whether I could set up a really strong sense of home/work divide or not…? Not just yet though, feel like I need a bit of time in my life where I’m under a bit less pressure, rather than more!

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