There are a lot of things I would like to say to you. I’d like to explain some things, lay out all the cards, talk about where I think I went wrong and what I would have liked to have done instead, how I wish I’d reacted. There are things I want to apologise for and things I want to ask. And perhaps a few years ago I would have done just that. I would have given out bare truths and asked for the same in return but the coinage of human relationships is not honesty. In many ways thank goodness we know the rules of the game now. I know you know I know you know I know and so we talk about what’s on telly and how much we drank last night and if I owe you an apology I buy you a drink and if there’s something you’re not telling me I probably know it already and so actually none of these are conversations we need to have. And everything works brilliantly and the wheels of society are well-oiled and everyone’s having a brilliant time except that once in a while you forget that honesty, actually, I suppose, it’s like water or acid or something. Things rust, things grind to a halt and everyone turns around. You don’t need to know the things I sometimes wish you know and I don’t need the answers to my questions because I know the answers already or I simply function better without them and you are not a person and really in this moment nor am I, we’re just examples, we all play a part in this machine and if we stick to the script (don’t worry, there’s a lot of room for comic ad-libbing) then everyone is happy because we’re not seventeen any more. Because it’s not about honesty, it’s about stating the bleeding obvious.