Some Recent Things…

Firstly, why don’t condoms come in sizes? This from a conversation between me and one of my (male) housemates. I mean, seriously: textures, thicknesses, lubrication – they’re all things you can choose about your condom on any pharmacy shelf – but not size. That strikes even me as rather odd – and I don’t have a penis. I mean, it’s surely like shoes being all one size – daft. Imagine if you could buy shoes in ‘canvas’ or ‘extra-leathery’, but they were all exactly 12 inches in length, or something.

In other news, it’s bloody freezing here, and we’ve been told it might snow. Apparently it is also going to get a lot colder. I am not excited about this at all. It’s definitely cold enough already.

On the upside, Advent Sunday this week at church, so lots of lovely carols and whatnot. And the best thing about church services is that you get to wear all that choirboy gear over your clothes, so I’ll definitely be warm enough.

Furthermore, I had a singing lesson last week, which was amazing.

And today I nearly joined in the demonstration at university against the university funding cuts, but then decided that actually getting my education was more important, so I went to my lecture. There was one placard with a picture of Samantha Cameron on it, beside which was the caption: ‘NOT THE ONLY ONE GETTING SCREWED BY DAVID CAMERON’. I have to say I did think that was quite funny.

Finally, it’s snowing. I am not impressed with this. It’s November and if this is what this winter is going to be like, it’s going to be hard work, frankly.



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26 responses to “Some Recent Things…

  1. I didn’t find out about this demonstration until I saw it go past Starbucks. Was with it all in spirit though.

    Also, I think you CAN get extra large condoms, but for anyone who enjoys normally proportioned genitalia I think the standard, stretchy prophylactics will do just fine…

  2. Jenny

    I’ve never seen them in the shops! Admittedly, it’s not as if I’ve spent vast quantities of time buying condoms, speculatively or otherwise.

    And yeah, I only found out about it a bit before it happened, and seriously considered going, but we all decided it wasn’t a good idea in that I do actually want to do well at this degree…

  3. Flix

    I kind of feel like this is a trick question and if I say “yes, you can” there’ll be all kind of assumptions made πŸ˜‰

    Surely it’s more like socks coming in one size…which generally, they do. Flexible material, innit – one size fits all.

  4. Clare

    A certain person I once knew had this problem – he had to order in XXL from America. And then displayed him by his bed so that everyone knew he had a HUGE PENIS. Hurrah.

    Meanwhile, I swear Sainsbury’s doesn’t want short people to have contraception – their condoms are right on the top shelf where I can’t reach, but their lad-mags are all at my eye level. I think they misunderstood the feminist rage. We’ll sort that out tomorrow!


  5. Clare

    Meanwhile, speaking of funny student placards, there was a protest a couple of days ago in London and our Women’s Officer was there, and she saw a placard which really tickled her:

    “First Dobby Dies, AND NOW THIS?!”

    πŸ™‚ Love it. Harry Potter IS relevant to our modern struggles.
    DamnCam (My new nickname for David Cameron) = Voldemort. πŸ™‚

  6. Lucy

    “Surely it’s more like socks coming in one size…which generally, they do. Flexible material, innit – one size fits all.”

    I was going to give that exact example, Flix. Except one size doesn’t fit all, because people like me have to buy expensive socks off the internet if I want to be able to wear women’s ones without constriction and uncomfortableness. Maybe I should display the packaging by my bed to show off my HUGE FEET! Oh, wait…

  7. Jenny

    I don’t know, in my limited experience I have been aware of condoms fitting some people more tightly than others, and I don’t think they’re actually as stretchy as socks (unless I own unnaturally stretchy socks) however flexible they may be, but then, I don’t spend a lot of time stretching condoms or socks, and certainly not comparing the two…!

    Clare, you know some ridiculous people, but then I think I know who it is that you’re talking about…

    Also DamnCam goes well with SamCam so you get DamnCamSamCam which sounds BRILLIANT.

    This is the weirdest comment thread ever :S.

  8. Flix

    Would you really want several different sizes, though? I mean, a discrete method of telling how you compare to others?! It can be embarrassing enough buying condoms in the first place, let alone having to dither over whether a size 4 or 6 would be most suitable…

  9. Lucy

    Also, I forget to mention, singing lesson, JEALOUS!

  10. Jenny

    Yeah that’s a fair point, Flix…! I’ll let D (housemate) know your objections…

    And yes – singing lesson was amazing πŸ™‚ if pretty expensive…

  11. Clare

    OR: DamnAndSamCam?

  12. You can get small condoms, think they were ‘trim’ rather than the whole s/m/l approach, and indeed a google shows these.

    And condoms are much stretchier than socks, you can fill them with a litre of water!

  13. ukmikel

    I’ve just got to comment πŸ™‚ As it happens if you do a search on the bbc news website there are articles on the lack of size variety with condoms, going back to 2006 and earlier. This link goes back to Feb this year.
    Now whether any man will actually go into a shop and ask to buy the smaller size, if they were available, is another matter. Certainly quite a different scenario to Clares rather …erm… outstanding friend πŸ™‚

  14. Antony

    I would like to join in this debate please.

    Firstly, I have seen someone wear a condom as a hat after a PE teacher dared him to do it. Literally. He managed to fit nearly his entire head inside it. So I would argue based on evidence that they are in fact more stretchy than socks. Also, I have seen said contraception used in place of a waterbomb-balloon. Again, they stretch.

    However, they do come in varying sizes, shapes etc depending on who makes them. Some are designed to be tight fitting, others not so. Of course, some are designed to be ribbed etc too, so there you go. I just don’t think people are necessarily aware of this but the general rule of thumb is find ones you like and buy them rather than the others. Incidentally, a really good way to work it out is to get a free handout bag of them from somewhere and “try” the various types/sizes (I suggest with a partner. More fun). You’ll see what I mean.

    I never understand why pharmacies like Boots only stock Durex. I saw Passant (different make) in a pharmacy for the first time ever recently – these are the make the NHS hand out (or used to).

    My favourite harry potter protest sign is “Dumbledore wouldn’t stand for this shit”.

  15. Jenny

    Your school was strange…

    I was given some free condoms recently. If no better opportunities present themselves I shall have to try this condom-as-hat thing, mainly just out of curiosity…

    Also I genuinely misread part of your comment as ‘some people are designed to be ribbed’.

    Also – buy ones you like? Surely far better to go out and buy ones you DON’T like. Plan.

    I think the thing about condoms is that the moment that someone says THESE CONDOMS WILL DEFINITELY GET YOUR GIRLFRIEND A LOT LESS PREGNANT THAN ANYTHING ELSE ON THE MARKET you tend to listen, whether or not it’s true. And that’s effectively what Durex have done – even just with the name, ‘Durex’, it soudns kind of reliable, right? People tend to be more conservative in their buying habits around things which they’re kind of scared about – scared of pregnancy and STDs and not having a good night, and Durex tries to tell you that their condoms will protect against all of those, and so you buy them, and it snowballs. It’s like I always have and probably always will buy the same brand of tampons, because they promise me that they’ll work well, and they always do. The moment one brand has a slight edge in a market where there is that much riding on it, they’re almost bound to end up with a near total monopoly. Which is, admittedly, a bit odd.

    haha I didn’t see that but it’s a good one. Dumbledore would be leaping out of that 10 Downing Street fireplace in a right old tizzy.

  16. Lucy

    You can also get condoms made from fair trade latex, for not that much more than your standard pack of Durex. They are also really nice condoms 😳

  17. Lucy

    Aaah, you don’t have emoticons turned on. That was a blushing face!

  18. Jenny

    I will bear that in mind! and sorry about my lack of emoticons. Although I thought I did, if only because I didn’t nkow you could turn them off… xxx

  19. I’m just going to be mature and snigger at this point. I’ve also heard of the condom-hat trick, and it makes me wonder what else you could use condoms for. Waterproofing books, maybe?

  20. I heard waterproofing weapons somewhere. Storing water in a survival situation. Someone once told me that if you heated up the latex you could stretch a condom over a phone box. I don’t know if that was an urban myth though.

  21. Antony

    My school wasn’t weird, it was just a bit rough. Said PE teacher found said condom and rather dryly observed it was out of date, meaning said cool kid had obviously never gotten any action. Said PE teacher was also challenged to a boxing match with a student, called buzz lightyear by another (he did look just like him) and various other, errrr… things. The guy was a total arse.

    Storing water would absolutely work; they make great waterbombs. Books/weapons… don’t know. Sure, it’d stretch to cover a book but I don’t know whether or not the spermicide coating would damage the cover. I’d be slightly pissed if it did, so I’m not going to try it. I’ve never had the need to waterproof a weapon.

    Yes, I think you’re right Jenny, there’s a certain brand association with these things and Dur- as a prefix was chosen for exactly the meanings you describe. Somebody paid attention to their marketing lessons.

    Ok, acquire the ones you like. My point was, like anything, if you don’t like them, don’t use them again. Pretty simple really. Clearly this also applies to tampons too. Funniest thing that happened to me at an old workplace of mine was to have a middle aged man wander in at 9:40 (20 mins to close) grumbling like hell… the girls have sent me out to get these and I’m damned if I know which ones I should get… you’re a young man, any ideas (I was 16). WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY??!! I had to say I had no idea either and then offer him a bag for his single purchase, which he initially declined until he thought about it. My older female colleagues (17,18) thought it was v funny.

    Aaaaaaah Lucy. NOW EVERYBODY KNOWS YOU’VE BEEN HAVING SEX. Oh well, big deal, so has the rest of the planet. However, I struggle to take the branding of these things seriously. Linger Lust?? Sheer Caress? Stimulating massage?? These are blatantly aimed at girls to buy for their guys.

    I really want to try the phonebox thing. Doesn’t rubber burn though? Have to be really careful heating it up.

  22. Lucy

    I’m confused with multiple Anthonys (Antonies?)

  23. Jenny

    And the award for Best Comment of 2010 in On The Brink goes to… Antony. If my day hadn’t already been made, that would have made it right there – hilarious.

    And yeah, I’m always confused. Look for the ‘h’ – if it’s Anthony, that’s he that is always known as A here (and in other blogs I could mention. If it’s Antony with *no* ‘h’, that’s other Antony, who knows Martin, and who used to go to your uni.

    You probably already knew that…


  24. Lucy

    Ah, no, I hadn’t spotted the ‘h’ distinction. Now I’ve just got to remember which way round it is…!

  25. There I can’t help, I’m afraid… xxx

  26. Jenny

    Callan – the best thing about your comment is that because you linked to CondomGirl (I guess that’s why) your comment got sorted out as spam…! Sorry! xxx

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