I’ve decided I don’t want to have things like Favourite Quotations on my profile any more. Gradually I expect I’ll cull some friends and some interests and films and books and whatnot, too. I’ve been on Facebook since I was seventeen and I’ve hardly ever deleted anything from my profile and perhaps it’s about time.
Meanwhile – these are the things that, over the last four years, have seemed hilarious or profound enough to put into my ‘favourite quotations’:
- “I’ve got a shaving box, I’ll stuff you in. There’s a penguin in there, you won’t know each other, there’ll be embarassing pauses.” Or something like that.
- “The ending is always happy. If it’s not OK, it’s not the end”
- ”I’m sorry to inconvenience you two, but I can’t actually see anything in my rearview mirror” — Callan on New Years, 2006-7, to Keir and I.
- “You know, I just thought it was quite a cool pop song” — my sister, joining the generation above several decades too early.
- “Everyone knows all the reasons why they don’t deserve to be loved; everyone who cares for them knows some of the reasons why they do.” — the genius that is Trishy. She’s so happy, she has her own group. And she regularly makes me feel better. AND I’m married to her, so I am the luckiest girl in the world, QED 🙂
- Her: ‘It’s like someone’s trying to suck milk out of it or something. I’m not having a baby, alright?’
Me: ‘Did you SERIOUSLY just start up a conversation with your own right nipple?’
Her: ‘You know what, yeah, I think I did.’
(a conversation between me and a friend, who shall remain nameless to save her blushes. Although I’m pretty sure you can all guess who I’m talking about!)
- Me: ‘Well, I’ve lost a bit of weight recently, so I may well fit into your dress.’ Clare: [astounded expression], ‘you HAVE!?!’ (not sure if that was meant to be a question or just an expression of her total shock that I’d actually managed to be less than planetary in girth… Either way, my sister (love you lots, Clare) is utterly the most tactful person on the planet. Or not, as the next quote also proves…)
- Clare: ‘You know, Jenny (looking at me trying on a surprisingly unflattering skirt)…you’ve actually got the top half of a reeeeeeeally thin person, and bottom half of a really FAT person’. Oh, Clare, I love you.
- And my father, noticing me sunbathing in the garden: ‘Jenny, you look like a beached albino whale’. Um, cheers, Dad 🙂 I wonder where Clare gets it from?!
- Anthony: ‘I really think I should try to stop neurotically stroking my own face’ (yes dear…)
- Katie: ‘I’m not coming out of my room because you can see my nipples’…! (it was drop dead hilarious at that time)
- Dylan Moran as Bernard Black: ‘What is this? What is this that I’m drinking? It’s like a choc ice…fell into a bottle of bleach’ (last episode of series 3 of Black Books. Just so you know. Bloomin’ilarious.
- Little Pete (although I think this might be a bit ‘you had to be there’, you can see why it was funny at the time…): ‘I can sleep in a bed and not have sex’!
Because, erm, recycling four years’ worth of nonsense is obviously what counts for seriously high-quality blogging these days.