Distorted Perception

So, for some reason, I just looked on facebook through a large number of photos of me. I don’t know why. It didn’t take long. Anyway.

Looking through some series of photos I remember when they were taken that I actually felt really ugly at the time. I remember looking at those photos not long after they were taken and not being able to see anything but how fat my arms were or how large my forehead looks or something.

Looking back at them now I can see that certain haircuts were a bad plan and I should never dye my hair ever again, I can see that I need to try and avoid weighing more than a certain amount, and indeed less than a certain amount too, I can see why that top or that dress was a really bad choice  – but I don’t see someone who is ten times uglier than anyone around her. I see a pretty average 16/17/18/19-year-old girl with good friends, in woods and gardens and pubs and clubs and houses with a whole range of people, acquaintances, friends, and actually what I do remember about the days in those photos, by and large, is, oh, that was a great day, this or that was really funny, that’s when I met so-and-so. And those photos just make me smile, perhaps a little wistfully, for times past and people lost, but by and large just happily.

Anyway, who does make good decisions about what to wear or how to cut or colour their hair when they’re sixteen? I didn’t get it it that badly wrong. It’s nice to konw that when these photos are all in albums and my kids discover them in the loft one day, they won’t think that Mummy was a total freak.

And one day I’ll tell them all the really funny stories. One day, when they’ve hopefully got a few funny anecdotes to tell back.

What do you see in your photo albums?

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2 Comments

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2 responses to “Distorted Perception

  1. Argh, err, ummm, I don’t have many photo albums /w me in – I never did on Facebook when I was on there cause I’m not really the “cool kid”… I didn’t go out much & when I did, the camera wasn’t pointed at me. I’m never the centre of the crowd ya see – more like the tag-a-long. So when I do feature in pictures I’m usually not actually aware they’re being taken! Which can prove interesting.

  2. But I do know what you mean – I used to think “I’m a weirdo” looking at myself with a slightly out-of-proportion head (it looks funny in pictures) and odd smile. I also used to worry when I wasn’t one of the cool kids everyone wanted to go somewhere. Now I just don’t give a monkeys. My life may be sad, but I enjoy it!

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