Jenny Is Like A Second-Rate Flix

So you believe things because you want to believe them, and you modify those beliefs as much as you can rather than admit they might not be true, and even when they can’t possibly be true and you know it you put them to one side and there’s a bit of you that just carries on telling itself all kinds of different fairytales and every now and again you tune in and you’d rather do that because every now and again someone says something true and it stings until you find a way to fit it into the narrative in your head and you twist the world to make it the way you want it to be and that is how you survive until tomorrow or next week or next month and you hope one day that the voice telling you stories will just shut up and let you just live but right now you need him in the same way that you need Radio Four and a good cup of tea after a long day or in fact during a long day because this day is after all very long.

And the world gets more and more confusing because there are just so many salient facts and truths and half-truths and lies and stories and interpretations to tie into your own personal narrative and you don’t know that you want what you believe you ought to want and so you tell yourself a story which means you do want what you don’t know that you want (and anyway you can never see inside anyone else’s head, they’re not made of glass, you know) but then there are so many things which you may or may not want and anyway they are all so distant and you can’t put your finger upon what any of them are so you just pick up your book of sudokus and hope for the best. And meanwhile there are so many things right under your nose that you’re less grateful for than you ought to be and you’re concentrating on all the wrong things or maybe they’re the right things to concentrate on because they make you a better person and you make other people happy by concentrating on those things and that makes you happy and you don’t have to know anything about yourself in order to do those things.

And this is how you live for months at a time because nothing that is true is enough to wake you up and really someone ought to do something about all those briars and the cobwebs and that wretched dragon.

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2 Comments

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2 responses to “Jenny Is Like A Second-Rate Flix

  1. Flix

    You totes have the hots for me.

    I *knew* that’s what this entry was about.

    😉

    In all seriousness, though, I didn’t realise there was something to guess, here. At least, I don’t always write for a specific situation, more just a general way to work words around things that it’s not always easy to say out loud, or things you just don’t know how to…

  2. Jenny

    Yeah, that’s it :P.

    And yeah, you’re right, there sort of both is and isn’t something specific to guess, it’s pretty general; I would be extremely surprised if anyone *did* realise any of the things and nebulous ideas that I am vaguely grasping at here…!

    xxx

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