So I read this blog called Shine Out Loud, which is usually pretty funny and insightful but sometimes just a bit too american for me to really get. And the other day she came out and said some stuff about chivalry and basically I found it really interesting and useful. Why can’t we just be polite to everyone and not divide it along gender lines? I especially like her advice on dating – I don’t like ‘going Dutch’, it seems so awful somehow when you’re out with a potential new bloke to be sat there totting up and divvying up, well, you had the wine, but I had coffee and dessert, so shall we say £x each and that covers a tip too?’, it’s not a fun conversation, ever – but as she points out in this day and age it’s reasonable to expect that a woman is as financially independent and self-supporting as the man she is with so actually, here’s a solution I’d never thought of before – whoever did the asking, does the paying. Which does then mean, if this is a rule we all then start to adopt, that the onus is on the asked person to ask for a second date, and there’s that pressure there, then, because if the original asker asks for a second date then surely the askee looks a bit, well, skinflint? And then it gets silly because after a few days, weeks, whatever, you’re in an actual settled relationship and do you continue to take turns or think about, well, this was my idea so I’ll pay, or whatever? The politics of money within relationships is always very tricky. I am determined now to be entirely financially independent – at least always obviously able to pay my own way, so that buying things for me becomes truly a choice rather than some vague obligation. That said, you can bloody well carry my bag. I will always be pathetically weak.
Here she talks about the Third Date Rule – no, not the sex one (although she has some interesting things to say about that too) – the decision-making point. You should know by the end of three dates whether you want to become a Thing, and if you decide at, during or just after those three dates that you don’t you really don’t owe anyone an explanation. And don’t throw the L-word around, but you know how I feel about that one already. To be honest I don’t think English has enough words for feelings of liking about someone. Sometimes ‘like’, ‘lust’ and ‘love’ just aren’t enough, and it would be nice to be able to say, ‘I love you, right now, but perhaps not tomorrow or in a minute’. Also I disagree with her about Nickelback. I love Nickelback. I know I probably shouldn’t.
I’m sorry this blog has been so shit of late. I’ve lost inspiration for stupid or interesting things to say, I’m tired and stressed out and increasingly homeless and fed up and washed up and left to dry and so fucking tearful all the time and I really don’t know why. I’m probably just tired. This life thing is hard work when you’re living it.