Shining Examples Of Modern Chivalry

So I read this blog called Shine Out Loud, which is usually pretty funny and insightful but sometimes just a bit too american for me to really get. And the other day she came out and said some stuff about chivalry and basically I found it really interesting and useful. Why can’t we just be polite to everyone and not divide it along gender lines? I especially like her advice on dating – I don’t like ‘going Dutch’, it seems so awful somehow when you’re out with a potential new bloke to be sat there totting up and divvying up, well, you had the wine, but I had coffee and dessert, so shall we say £x each and that covers a tip too?’, it’s not a fun conversation, ever – but as she points out in this day and age it’s reasonable to expect that a woman is as financially independent and self-supporting as the man she is with so actually, here’s a solution I’d never thought of before – whoever did the asking, does the paying. Which does then mean, if this is a rule we all then start to adopt, that the onus is on the asked person to ask for a second date, and there’s that pressure there, then, because if the original asker asks for a second date then surely the askee looks a bit, well, skinflint? And then it gets silly because after a few days, weeks, whatever, you’re in an actual settled relationship and do you continue to take turns or think about, well, this was my idea so I’ll pay, or whatever? The politics of money within relationships is always very tricky. I am determined now to be entirely financially independent – at least always obviously able to pay my own way, so that buying things for me becomes truly a choice rather than some vague obligation. That said, you can bloody well carry my bag. I will always be pathetically weak.

Here she talks about the Third Date Rule – no, not the sex one (although she has some interesting things to say about that too) – the decision-making point. You should know by the end of three dates whether you want to become a Thing, and if you decide at, during or just after those three dates that you don’t you really don’t owe anyone an explanation. And don’t throw the L-word around, but you know how I feel about that one already. To be honest I don’t think English has enough words for feelings of liking about someone. Sometimes ‘like’, ‘lust’ and ‘love’ just aren’t enough, and it would be nice to be able to say, ‘I love you, right now, but perhaps not tomorrow or in a minute’. Also I disagree with her about Nickelback. I love Nickelback. I know I probably shouldn’t.

I’m sorry this blog has been so shit of late. I’ve lost inspiration for stupid or interesting things to say, I’m tired and stressed out and increasingly homeless and fed up and washed up and left to dry and so fucking tearful all the time and I really don’t know why. I’m probably just tired. This life thing is hard work when you’re living it.



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6 responses to “Shining Examples Of Modern Chivalry

  1. Don’t worry about the blog “being shit” – it’s not. At least you manage to write, which is more than can be said for me… 🙂

  2. Yeh, this is really very much not a shit blog. I really have to struggle to come up with stuff to write.

    Yeh, money politics is generally weird. I’ve been seeing this girl recently (met her completely out of the blue, which just never happens) and I’ve found myself agreeing to pay for stuff here and there when she hasn’t had change on her, and it’s really quite an odd feeling.

    I’ll agree on the love/like spectrum, it’s just so much more complicated than that. Doesn’t help that my perception of it is all fucked up; I never realise that I’m in love when I am, it’s only when I look back at it and think, shit, that was love. Whoops. Sometimes I almost convince myself that I am in love when I know it’s probably not, and things like that too. It’s just strange.

    • Jenny

      Perhaps we should misappropriate all the Inuit words for ‘snow’ and give each one of them a new meaning, each a differeant variant of love…? And good to hear about the girl :).

      Thank you. I know I write a lot – my problem is with how much of it is worth Reading and thinking about…!

  3. Adam

    Rather than stealing words from other cultures, there’s a much simplier way of showing someone exactly how much you like/love them.

    With a pie chart…

  4. As usual I would like to take things very seriously and start with the most important point – Nickelback. I have a couple (3) Nickelback songs and don’t dislike them, and unless the rest of their stuff is awful, what’s the problem? Or are guys that listen to alternative rock just generally unattractive? If that’s the case I’m stuffed ’cause my favourite bands are lostprophets, 30 seconds to mars, story of the year, goo goo dolls etc.

    Anyway, money politics – it’s an odd one. I tend to be fairly relaxed about it and always offer to pay. In fact, sometimes I want to pay, not cause I don’t think the girl can, just because I fancy it. That said, if I’m paying for everything and it’s clear she can pay, well, there might not be any more dates.

    Also, on account of the fact I don’t drink I also won’t pay for drinks in clubs unless it’s a long term thing. And I certainly don’t buy random girls drinks.

    And as for the love like thing, I don’t use the L word much, cause when I do I usually mean it. I tend to stick with the like word, like “I like you” means “I’m not head over irrational heels want to marry you yet, but you’re good to be around and fun and all the other things I like, so can we do stupid stuff like see stupid films and go to see things and walk the dog and run in fields and splash around in swimming pools with slides and hot water spring things and if I’m really lucky go out on roadbikes and go screaming down some hills please?”

    I will also blog on this as I feel you and that other blog have inspired me. I have to rant about student politics first though.

  5. Also, I have a confession to make. I really like dubstep.

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