You do something you shouldn’t have done, and perhaps you could wallow, so you do for a bit, and it doesn’t make you feel any better, so instead the next day you get up and you go to yoga at some stupid time in the morning and you push yourself and you tie yourself in knots and the instructor comes up and tells you that you’re really flexible and you should watch out and hold yourself together better in some poses so that you don’t do some damage by mistake and so you do, you feel all strong inside, and then you leave, bang on time, out of the room before most people have rolled up their mats and you go to your 9am lecture via Starbucks for a fairtrade mocha (forgetting, bother, to ask for decaf), and the Union shop for a new pen, bang on time, concentrating, the perfect set of notes, not just a transcription of the slide show like it’s so easy to slip into doing, and you stride out of your lecture at ten to ten and get to the gym in good time for an hour’s swim and a decent (hot) shower (we don’t seem to have those at home) before your next lecture – you might even get time to drop your shoes at the cobblers if you’re lucky – but you get to the gym and there’s a big sign saying that the pool is closed due to ‘unsafe chlorine levels’, so you go home instead and pray the shower will be hot and you’re going to do some violin practice instead because there isn’t time to go to the library and you don’t own the textbook you need (yet).
And then you go to Oxfam, and then you come home for an actual meal, not necessarily sitting down, but never mind, and then you’re going out for drinks with your possible new housemates, except that you’ve given up alcohol for lent so like last night you’re going to feel all clean and clear-headed when you set out home at eleven (it’s odd how even one drink makes the difference, and it’s so nice being completely and utterly stone-cold sober, even if you would seem no less sober after one half to any observer, that you start thinking about going teetotal altogether, not just for lent, but it’s early days yet and it’s just a shame that some drinks taste so delicious and could you really miss out and also it’s sort of socially awkward being a non-drinker, people get the wrong impression about you).
And the next day it’s Friday and it’s the church weekend away and that’s good, lots of prayer and perhaps you’ll try to take some work or something to do in your free time, there has to be some free time and you have to do something useful with it, so you do. And the next week there’s orchestra and choir and things all over again and you just keep moving and being the best person you can and you’re madly polite to everyone and you smile a lot and you’re a good Christian and this time you actually go to homeless outreach like you said you would and you put daft amounts of money into the collection plate at Church because you really ought to get into titheing even if you are still a bit overdrawn and you try to do everything you know how to do that could make you in any way a better person than you’re starting to think you are because the only way to be a better person is to go out and do things that mean you can respect yourself. And so it goes on.