I am a Girl so I Like Chocolate, Shopping, Shoes and Teddybears

And holding hands and drinking cocktails and counting calories and stealing your chips but claiming to only want a salad and watching The Notebook.

I’m sorry but I am absolutely fed up to the back teeth of these fan pages that seem to have sprung up on Facebook with names like ’50 things guys ought to learn about girls’. Or, sorry, ’50 Things Guy’s Ought Too Learn About Girl’s’.

Perhaps people with poor grammar are a separate class of individual of which all the females do like nothing but shoes and chocolate while the guys talk about football and drink Carlsberg and don’t understand PMS. Otherwise I can’t really understand the phenomenon.

Why is it that these groups claim to have some kind of semi-serious insight into the female psyche as a lesson for men, when the mistake they’re making by generalising so completely about 51% of the population actually means you come away knowing less about girls than you did when you were just bumbling along and not realising that what I want, when you want to say sorry, more than anything in the world, the best possible way of expressing your heartfelt apology, is to give me a teddybear the size of a small fridge.

No, wait, that’s exactly what I’d like. Sorry if I sounded so sarcastic there. How did men ever cope before some lovely blonde twenty-something girl in New Look heels that look a bit like Manolos in the semi-darkness sat down and wrote them a list, in 50 points, that tells you everything you could wish to know about every single girl, because obviously we’re all the same.

Oh, and I really don’t like The Notebook. Or Rachel McAdams (though she was good in Sherlock Holmes). And I really didn’t like her in The Time Traveller’s Wife, which if you ask me was even worse than The Notebook.

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12 Comments

Filed under Film, Happenings, Internet, Life, Relationships, Society, Thoughts, Women

12 responses to “I am a Girl so I Like Chocolate, Shopping, Shoes and Teddybears

  1. Adam

    Nooooooooo!!! Rachel McAdams is wonderful… I’ll admit TTTW was a bit Notebook-y – but you’re comparing it to the book, and the book is perfect, and you can’t condense all that lovelyness (or the lack of which made it so good) into a 2 hour film that people who haven’t read the book would understand…

    Sorry rant over…

    I think I mentioned in my most recent e-mail to you my love for Rachel McAdams… *Swoon*

  2. Jenny

    She’s very pretty but she’s so saccharine. The Time Traveller’s Wife (the book) wasn’t perfect but it did what it did very well; the film lost all that bite and edge, and it could have translated to film far better – the soundtrack could have been all nineties grunge and Iggy Pop and things and Clare should have been far more ethereal and less aware of her own beauty. It was all far too polished, I thought.

  3. Adam

    I disagree – Rachel McAdams is wonderful. End of.

  4. One day it’ll probably occur to me that she’s a very lovely person as well. Lucky cow. Never saw The Time Traveller’s Wife, but the book was very good, I thought. Never seen The Notebook all the way through, either – and that one’s deliberate.

    On the other hand, I do like chocolate. And shopping. And shoes. And, in fact, teddy bears. I’m thinking more like Paddington though, Paddington was awesome. For the record, I also like being smiled at across a room and kissed on the back of the neck. This isn’t the sort of thing that’s vital to a relationship, though. The lists aren’t meant for boys, though, they’re meant entirely for girls. It’s relationship fantasy – like Twilight is relationship fantasy. (I know the It’s Unhealthy spiel, but it is.) It’s also meant for girls about the same age as those who stereotypically read Twilight, I think.

  5. Jenny

    …which is why apparently half my friends are fans of such pages!! The girls, though, you’re right. I just hate that kind of relationship fantasy. Furthermore I think more girls our age read Twilight than do girls aged about 13, which is truly sad. I mean, get real.

    I do like chocolate, yes. And shopping obviously but mainly tehse days in vintage shops and John Lewis and fair trade (when I can afford it) and GAP. I used to like shoes more than I do now, these days I lust after the perfect plain comfy brown loafers, mainly for hte comfort and understated style thing. I like teddybears, but bears with a story – rescued off skips, given as gifts after the untimely demise of the original Baby Bop, bears my mother had when she was little, bears I’ve had for years, bears I’ve found all alone on shop counters and just had to buy to make them happy and wanted. I got an elephant once when a friend adopted one on the WWF in my name and they sent me a fluffy elephant πŸ™‚ that was nice.

    I just don’t like those relationship fantasies (you’re totally right) because they’re homogenous and unrealistic and I would rather a guy were to act entirely within character than do things which were all big and romantic but not really him OR me in style. I’d rather an honest admission of love took months or several drams of whisky than turned up with a crateful of white doves and a million red roses, so maybe my relationships fantasies are just weird, but then, that would be my parents’ example (over breakfast one day: ‘so, shall we get married then?’. I never could’ve imagined them doing the ring-in-a-glass-of-champagne thing, or the sunset-proposal-in-Paris thing, for that matter. I don’t know about me; I’ll just wait and see).

  6. I have often expressed that anybody who has ever seen a Twilight movie or read one of the books should be the first up against the wall when I finally stage my violent revolution.

    I have been told this makes me a Nazi, which is totally wrong, because the Nazis murdered people because of what they were, something they couldn’t help. You can sure as heck help watching Twilight.

    It’s a real shame anyway, because I love the word “twilight” itself, and now it’s forever ruined. Sigh.

    Anyways, I have learned all I will ever need to about PMS. It’s sort of like Fight Club, the first rule of PMS is not to talk about PMS. Never suggest a woman has it. Never minimise it. Just be sympathetic, so help you, if any woman lets on she has it. But not to sympathetic. JUST RUN, MAN, RUN!

  7. Jenny

    I read Twilight just to see what all the fuss was about – don’t shoot me before you’ve read what I came back and said about it though…!!

    I have never seen any of the films; I’ve got a feeling they might actually be better than (not as bad as?) the books but I’m not prepared to spend money or time finding out. And I had a Robert Pattinson crush when I was younger and he was in Harry Potter, so there.

    Although that said I go off on one a bit in the comments section, objecting to people who open doors and buy dinner for girls and calling them ‘misogynistic dicks’. Right. I know why I was bitching about that then – I was referring to a slightly disastrous dinner date I’d gone on back in the Easter – but still. CrazyJenny.

    Still love the word ‘twilight’.

    I never used to get PMS, I used to get super miserable and low instead. These days, well, yeah, run. Mental.

  8. Need to stop speed-commenting, the number of SPAG mistakes in that last comment, dear oh dear.

    Misogynistic dicks is going a bit far, but I’ll agree that equality means buying your own food and drink if you can afford it. Does always irk me when you see guys paying for everything, it adds an unpleasant character to the relationship right off the bat.

    Anyways, don’t worry too much about my purges, I’ll try to consider extenuating circumstances.

  9. Jenny

    Thank you for offering to consider not killing me when you finally take over the world πŸ˜› !!

    I don’t know about ‘unpleasant character’ to the relationship if a guy is buying dinner and drinks etc. – for one thing it is arguably a way of simply showing – on a first date or at least early on – respect, admiration for and a desire to please your intended. That’s not to suggest that girls are all fickle and material, it’s just a cultural shorthand (which leaves guys a little shortchanged, I know). And in some cases it is partly because the guy is better able to pay his way than the girl, although that said if a girl is earning adn a guy isn’t it is still pretty rare for a man to allow a woman to pay for him. I wish that weren’t the case, but it is. I don’t think it’s necessarily disempowering for a woman to allow a man to buy her dinner and drinks, but it’s a complex issue, because where do you draw the line? If you start off buying someone dinner for your first few dates, then you set a tone, and it’s hard to know when to say, stop, let’s start acting like equals and paying our own way now, yes? And as a woman it’s very hard to know when and how you should broach the issue yourself and say, no, I’ll get these drinks/those tickets/whatever, in order not to have to watch your man slowly bankrupt himself out of love or obligation to you…!! I imagine this becomes less of an issue as variously we all become a little less poor as we get older, and dinner and drinks aren’t such a major cut into our spending money, but I don’t know.

    And it has to be said that although I would of course offer to go halves on dinner if I was being taken on a first date by someone I would sort of be a little unimpressed if they took me up on that. But only a little. And if they didn’t take me up on it then I would say something like, OK, but let me pay for drinks.

    My feminist principles are very very confused by life right now. Thankfully me and my principles are also a little less poor these days so I can afford to actually have principles. At last!

  10. Heh, I just have Polonius’ admonition metaphorically ringing in my ears: “Neither a borrower nor a lender be.”

    The idea of starting any kind of partnership – let alone a romantic one – on the basis of indebtedness is something I really don’t like.

    It has all these unpleasant connotations to me of the man using ostentatious displays of money and wealth as a means to lever sex out of women, like a bowerbird competing for a mate. I’d like to think we’re beyond that, and that men and women can approach each other as equals looking for something mutually beneficial.

    I show my respect and admiration in other ways, hopefully.

  11. Jenny

    I know what you mean on one level, and I think that is the case for a lot of guys – that they are buying dinner just to get you naked – but equally it can be very much a mark of respect. Or just an acknowledgment that they’re actually going out with a charity case like me who doesn’t know how to keep hold of money once she has it and needs feeding once in a while.

    As far as I’m concerned the jury is still out. I’m not going to not enter into a relationship with a guy just because he asked to split the bill on our first date, and furthermore with some guys paying for everything is just ostentation and that’s pretty slimy to be honest. And furthermore there are some guys who would be positively insulted if on a first date I tried to pay my way. Basically (or ‘bascs’ as the woman I for some reason call my best friend would say…), I really don’t know what I think. I can see the arguments on both sides. I don’t know.

    I guess it depends just how impoverished I feel, partly because the poorer I am the more the value of money increases and the more indebted I feel/the more flattered I feel by teh smallest monetary token of esteem; I don’t know what happens when I’m flush, it’s never come up…

  12. Dammit, you mean those groups aren’t, like, something I should know?

    Phew, I mean, learning 50 things sounded a bit much, let alone sticking to them…

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