There is just so much stuff to know. And although I’m not stupid, my memory is perhaps my weakest point. So the stuff I learnt way back in October, unless I’ve gone over it in the last week or so, seems to have almost wholly evaporated, almost as if I never knew it.
There are so many drugs and they all have such similar names, and yet they all do wholly different things. Some, which sound similar, have opposing effects. Others are completely unrelated to one another and yet really do sound like they should have something to do with one another.
Don’t get me started on all the things that go on in the kidneys, or the autonomic nervous system. All that preganglionic, postganglionic, parasympathetic, sympathetic stuff, all those nicotinic and muscarinic acetylcholine receptors, here there and everywhere, all those plexi and ganglia. The kidneys, all weird three letter summaries: TAL, GFR, and so on. Bartter’s and Gitelman’s syndromes. Knockout mice missing a functional copy of ROMK differing from Bartter’s patients in tiny little details (other, obviously, than their intrinsic mousehood).
I’ve been all over the place this last month. I’m blaming the Pill, mainly, a certain amount of uncertainty about my future homelessness or otherwise, and things like that. Concentrating hasn’t been easy, and I haven’t done enough. But even so I should still be walking into this exam feeling like it won’t be sheer, skin-of-teeth luck if I get more than 60%. To be honest I would feel glad to get more than 50% at this rate.
How is it that I understand it all at the time, I can read it and go, yes, right, I see – and then forget it all? Would I learn it better if I didn’t understand it first time round?
Perhaps I should just stop thinking of myself as a particularly clever person. Go with mediocre to bright, and then be pleased with just passing this degree.
Or perhaps I just have to try even harder next time round. I know what my father would say: if you spent less time blogging, and more time revising… this blog takes up so little time. The words go from brain to page as fast as I can type them then I pick a date and a time and tell a post to go up then. Yes, there’s then a certain amount of commenting going on. Today was spent in a blind panic and I couldn’t focus on work, not that that’s an excuse. This entry has taken less than five minutes to type. What do you expect, it’s still under 500 words, of course it’s taken less than five minutes. But I do try, you know.
Perhaps, yet again, I have to look at the way I work and change it and see if that works out any better. In the meantime, I shall sleep, and pray, and eat breakfast, and I will get by.