Tick Tock, Tick Tock…

Thankfully it’s all a joke at the moment. I’m twenty, I don’t feel under pressure, not yet.

Because in just over a week, a girl who used to be one of my best friends when we were at sixth form, is getting married. She’s the second person I know, from my generation, to have done so, at least so far as I know (for the purposes of this entry, ‘my generation’ means ‘very early twenties’).

This means that it’s not just a one-off. People my age are getting married and settling down. And yes, you know I have dreams of what my wedding will be like. You know I like to dream about children and grandchildren and shopping for carpets and kitchen units and tablecloths and buying cats and a regular subscription to a newspaper, the National Geographic, and the National Trust (why these things make me a ‘grown-up’ I’m not sure). But those are dreams for the future. It’s safe to have those dreams because they’re about as relevant to me now as dreaming about being an Austen heroine, a princess, or a superhero.

So I don’t feel under pressure now just because people I could loosely term friends are getting married. I wouldn’t even feel under pressure if an actual current real-life friendshippy friend (as opposed to, so far, a friend-of-a-friend who I’ve met a few times, and a good old friend with whom sadly I lost touch) were getting married (on that score, I’ve got a couple of couples in mind who I can see walking down the aisle in the actual viable future, give me a couple of years and I’ll keep you posted). But it still, mentally, makes you go ‘oh?’ and I can imagine that minusule microvoltage jolt will only grow louder and more jolty over the next few years (oh, alright, once I hit my mid-twenties at the earliest, I’d imagine, and even that would be neurotic). I can’t imagine, yet, what it’ll be like when actually, friends getting married is kind of standard, when, as Hugh Grant says in Four Weddings, ‘finally it’s a Saturday and for once I don’t have a wedding to go to’. Yes, lots of fun parties, but with each of them, a little bit louder, tick tock, tick tock, tick tock… .

It’s a funny old world.

I just saw a man reversing into the bramble hedge across the road. Is it horribly horrible of me to find that really quite funny?



Filed under Happenings, Life, Relationships, Society, Thoughts, Uncategorized, Women

13 responses to “Tick Tock, Tick Tock…

  1. C R M

    i think laughing at that is perfectly acceptable…

    which friend, out of interest?


  2. An ex of mine is married and has a baby. It’s just bloody weird.

  3. Jenny

    woah. How old are you, if you don’t mind me asking? I suppose more pertinently, how old is she, but tbh I’m more curious about you. Thankfully I only have the one ex (see relevant recent post….!) so no marriages, babies etc in my closet…!!

  4. Don’t buy a cat! Don’t do it!! Go to a rescue home. It’s the only way.

  5. Jenny

    Our cat we bought from a woman whose moggy had given birth *again* because she couldn’t afford to get her cat ‘done’. So I think in some ways that was as good a choice because hopefully it helped said woman towards being able to afford the operation, which in turn reduces the cat overpopulation problem and hopefully ends up with fewer cats ending up in rescue centres, with any luck.

    But yes, if I were to be looking to get a cat now, I would go to a rescue centre, and get some dribbly hobbly bony old thing with half an ear missing and a yowl that would wake the dead, or something :). I have a hideous habit of falling in love with the underdog. Or undercat. It’s why one of my favourite teddybears was rescued from a skip.

  6. Jenny

    I.e…. my age.

    Blimey. My age, and nearly a year married already.

    I said on the comments thread in that post that “if I met someone and became more and more convinced that that person was the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, I suppose I might think, why should we wait?”. On the one hand, I think I do still think that in a way. I’m much less scared of marriage and long-term commitment than I was.

    But on the other hand, I’ve got this feeling that I’ve got all the time in the world, and with someone or not I should really enjoy each stage as it comes. Enjoy being in a relationship, enjoy the beginnings and insecurities, enjoy feeling increasingly settled in that relationship, enjoy the wait before one of you (alright, I’m a traditionalist) he has the guts to propose, enjoy the engagement, enjoy the wedding, the honeymoon, the being married for a while thing… if you’ve started off on that road that the age of nineteen I would want to take my time, I think. Lucky for some!

    That said by the sounds of it, seven months pregnant at the time of marriage, she didn’t get much choice about timing!!

  7. Crumbs, I really should have got back to this one.

    I’m 22. Old! Creaking bones. Random body parts start inexplicably hurting. Slow march to the grave.

    The thing about the girl in question was that she wanted to be married and start a family almost more than anything, and it’s not surprising that she’s done it as soon as she was able; partly this is a response to what her home life was like.

    I think it’s a shame, because she could have been more than that, broke out of the pattern, but she’s gone and settled down far, far too early.

    Also, rather glad I got out of that one. Feels rather like dodging a bullet.

  8. Jenny

    Would you ahve felt pressured into marrying her? Age is a state of mind, i think. At least until things start breaking. THat said I’m sure I saw the beginnings of crows feet around my eyes a few months back.

    On the subject of cats my mother and I discussed today when I buy cats, getting two and naming them ‘Dog’ and ‘Snake’.

  9. I don’t like to think what I would have done. It’s literally too awful to think about.

    I dunno, in some ways I feel like stuff is getting broken, in others I feel as strong and as fast as I’ve ever been. Need work on my endurance, though.

  10. C R M

    maybe if what she wants is to marry and start a family, she doesn’t need to be ‘more than that’. Devil’s advocate here, but still. Maybe you see the potential for her, but she didn’t. Or didn’t want it.

    Bffff… I dunno.

    I should be working.


  11. That was the kind of neo-feminist argument she used; that she should be allowed to be just a mother if that’s what she wanted.

    The way I thought about it was there’s plenty of time to be something else before you settle down and have a family, and now that option is pretty much forever closed off.

    I too should be working…

  12. I can see Clare’s (and your ex’s) point. I would like to do a lot of things with my life but I’m not really that ambitious, I have the potential to be lots of things, and whilst I would like to do those things with my life before/around having a family, I could easily see why being a mother might be one’s primary desire in life. I’m not saying that it is mine, or at least not to any scary extent, but I don’t agree that one should absolutely focus on one’s career and one’s self as a woman in preference to settling down and having children. I just wouldn’t do it myself because I can’t absolutely know that I wouldn’t mind in the end not taking more time over all of this adulthood thing.

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