Just For You

They fuck you up, your mum and dad

They may not mean to, but they do.

They fill you with the faults they had

And add some extra, just for you.

There you go – Philip Larkin for you. Anyway, it’s true. There is no way you can be a ‘perfect’ parent. Whatever you do, some aspect of the way in which you bring up your children is going to have in some way a negative effect, because that’s how it works. In my family we’re great at instilling a ridiculously disproportionate sense of guilt in each new generation, it seems. I never wanted when I was younger to get upset or angry because that wasn’t really my remit within our family unit. Whatever goes wrong with you as a young adult it’s more than likely that it’s your parents’ fault in some way and it strikes me, somehow, that that’s inevitable. There will be some aspect of your character that makes you less than happy, or that you’re less than happy with, and sadly you can trace that back to the way you were brought up.

But what sometimes we forget to remember is that our parents also started off teaching us all the things that make us good people to know too, that make us happy. That particular sense of humour, your sense of empathy and of group responsibility, whatever it is.

I suppose what I’m really marvelling at is how (surprise) we’re all connected. I don’t suppose there’s anything about me that isn’t in some way partly the product of things that happened to me as I was growing up; I don’t think any of it is spontaneous. Butterflies and hurricanes, innit?

I’m not entirely sure I said anything of note here.

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4 Comments

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4 responses to “Just For You

  1. mikel

    you are quite right in what you say. You are the product of your parents both the not so good and the good things. I’m sure you got your musical ability from somewhere after all.
    It doesnt stop there however. You will also have developed from all the “life experiences” and dare I say it especially the negative ones, if nothing more than it makes (or has seemed to make) you a much stronger and more positive person. I just wish that held true for typing as well – if you knew how many what I call my Eric Morecambs I’ve corrected just in this little post (to paraphrase him – I type all the right letters, just not necssarily in the right order!) πŸ™‚

    anyway happy days, its a new decade, there’s loads of white stuff on the ground (yes uni town has had another delivery of the white stuff and will apparently be getting loads more tomorrow) and if you are a brass monkey with welding skills you’re going to be alright – start knitting that cardie you mentioned in an earlier post. It’ll come in handy

  2. mikel

    oh and I should have wished you a happy new year as well – very remiss of me not to do that straight away given my accent πŸ™‚

  3. Man hands on misery to man;
    It deepens like a coastal shelf.
    Get out, as early as you can,
    And don’t have any kids yourself.

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