Bad Habits No.1

I talk to myself. Constantly. I don’t know why I do it. If I’m doing a Sudoku, I’ll be counting out a row or a box, and the numbers that are missing I will say out loud. If I get something wrong, I’m bound to hiss, ‘stupid girl’ or ‘idiot’ or even to swear at myself.

I walk around town involuntarily crying out ‘fuck you’ or ‘bastard’ when I remember indignities and insults that I should have dealt with at the time. I make lists out loud to remind myself where I’m going, what I’m doing, and where I’m going after that; I’ll be counting off groceries and stationary supplies on my fingers as I walk into a shop; I’ll count beats and bars out loud in orchestra unless it’s quiet enough that you might hear me.

Honestly, follow me around for a day and you’d begin to think I was mad. You’d see me, talking to my handbag (‘close properly, idiot thing’) or my boots (‘for heaven’s sake’ as I catch the heel on something) or my phone (‘text me back, for goodness’ sake’), or yes, just plain little old me. I don’t know why I do it. Do you do it?

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9 Comments

Filed under Happenings, Introspection, Life, Society, Thoughts

9 responses to “Bad Habits No.1

  1. Adam

    Constantly… I’m almost as bad – I perhaps don’t swear when I remember an insult or something – but I tut and roll my eyes at myself for not having a brilliant, witty retort…

    But yes, counting bars out loud, list-making out loud, talking to my phone… I do it too!!

    Does that make me as odd as you? :S

  2. Yes. I do. And when I am alone I hold conversations with myself and I’m not sure if they’re out loud and in exams I get really paranoid because when I’ve been concentrating the conversation gets so loud I can’t believe I’m not actually speaking sometimes – or maybe I am and I’m That Weirdo who mutters to herself in exams.

    I think everyone does and I’m taking it as a good thing in a sort of terrified-of-Orwell kind of way.

  3. Flix

    I don’t talk to myself, I write to myself, which is only worse because there’s a record of it. Though, I do sometimes talk to myself when I’ve had too much to drink, usually to berate myself for being such an idiot.

  4. Oh wow, I thought most people do this? I certainly do. I’m really bad for it when I’m on my own in the car.

    Flix, I write to myself as well. When I feel a bit bleh and have way too many thoughts flying round, I think it’s a really useful way of sorting my head out. I mostly write emails, knowing fully well that I’m not gonna send them. If certain people had seen my draft folder over the years..

    course that can be interesting when you actually decide to send one…

  5. clare

    yip, I always always talk to myself.
    great fun..

    xxx

  6. clare

    yip, I always always talk to myself.
    great fun..
    grand
    xxx

  7. Begin to think you’re mad? πŸ˜‰

  8. Jenny

    I know exactly what you mean, Fi! And yes, I write to myself, or rather, I keep a journal, which isn’t quite the same, except that I’m the only person who’s ever going to read it, so it’s kind of addressed to my older self, in case my older self is interested, which sometimes, insofar as I am now, I suppose, the older self to whom my teenage/preteen diaries were addressed! They certainly make for interesting viewing, always speculating whether or not I am actually ‘in love’ with this or that eleven-year-old kid. (Dear younger self, no, you’re not – you don’t know what love *is* and you’ll have no clearer an idea ten years from now than you do in this entry. Don’t be so silly!!). Talking to yourself whilst driving is a dangerous one – it becomes an ingrained habit, and then one day you’ll find you’re doing it when you’ve got passengers – I’m not a driver, but I have been one of the slightly perturbed passengers in just such a case…!!

  9. I only talk to myself whilst driving when I’ve got passengers! Don’t ask me why – maybe it’s just that having other people there requires that extra degree of concentration.

    I also sing a particular song to myself when I’ve been stupid, sometimes out loud. It’s probably not the best positive self-image reinforcement…

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