It’s Me, Monster.

Hello you. I know you’re going to read this soon, at least, so you say, so hello. I’m terrified you won’t like what you say, you’ll think I say too much, that I’m too outspoken, I don’t know. I’ve just re-read a few of my more recent entries, and actually, it’s not as if I talk about you or us all that much, so actually that’s fine. I just panicked when you said you were planning on getting around to reading it one of these days and I suddenly thought, but I talk about you practically every other entry. And actually that isn’t true, as such. You may get mentioned, like anyone I regularly encounter, but I’m not crazy, and I don’t go splashing things around the internet which are about us and no-one else, it’s neither right nor fair.

So, welcome to my blog. Wanting you to respect my intelligence and awareness and interestingness and individuality and such, it suddenly strikes me that nothing I say here is that interesting, partly because out loud I’ve said so much of it before and partly because I’m just not the most original of people (I know that partly bewrays my surprisingly low self-esteem, and I hope that lack of self-esteem never seems like an insult to you, it makes all the difference in the world that you see in me the things I don’t necessarily see myself. Just thought I’d throw that in now just for a scary moment of visceral honesty, and yes, I do mean ‘visceral’. And anyway, sometimes I believe I am all the things I sometimes believe I’m not. I think I just devised a sort of verbal pseudo-Mobius strip there). Anyway clearly I have some confidence in myself otherwise this blog would never have been set up, and ditto many things in my life. The other thing I wanted to say out loud was that no, you’re right, you’re not like other guys, and I love that. I love the respect you show me and our relationship, I love that you stand up for me, I love your strong and decent sense of what is right and what is proper. All that and intelligent and funny and interesting and good-looking too. So, since I’m usually pretty honest with you and on here, of course I wonder, why me. But I also learnt today that, well, most people wonder why their partner chose them of all people.

And hell, I’m interesting and funny and clever and gorgeous too. Shame that I’m just a bit more articulate on screen than I am to your face, because if I haven’t said all or most of this before I probably meant to do so. I particularly like the phrase ‘verbal pseudo-Mobius strip’ but that’s not usually relevant.

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1 Comment

Filed under Beliefs, Friendship, Happenings, Internet, Introspection, Life, Relationships

One response to “It’s Me, Monster.

  1. Lucy

    J and I have just had this conversation. Turns out he’s been reading since about February (which I sort of knew anyway but now we’ve explicitly discussed it it’s just a little… weird!)

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