I haven’t had a decent night’s sleep in nearly a week. On Wednesday night I went out for L’s birthday; I revised until late on Thursday, I went to see some friends and a large quantity of gin (twice, thanks to A, who rather suffered in drinking games) on Friday, on Saturday and last night I had bad nights for assorted reasons (Saturday being a real Cloudlife moment), and having finally dropped off at around 7am this morning, and pretty fitfully at that, I am still awake tonight, partly out of the fear of being unable to sleep, and partly because I am no longer tired. This is annoying. Tomorrow night I will break out the Nytol and go to bed at ten.
I don’t know why I tell you all this – I have real friends, in the real world, to whom I can bitch as much as I like about the sleep I do or do not get; I can always talk to A, for starters, then there’s R and M who are both invaluable, numerous people at the ends of numerous phone lines, but I don’t feel the need to have a Big Conversation about any of this, merely to say look, this is me, here I am, and this is what I am experiencing, and it’s a bit of a pain but it’s nothing I need to talk about. I just can’t sleep, and right now there’s no-one I want to say that to except the ether, people removed enough to choose to comment if they will, to choose to read or not, to choose to completely ignore, and that’s entirely up to you and that’s just how I like it. Do you know what I mean?