The Fear

My personal Biggest Ever Fear isn’t spiders, or small spaces (spiders are oddly cute, and small spaces, well, yes, they do scare me). It’s not crowds, or being alone, or losing people; it’s trying to pick up a new skill or something and completely embarassing myself and doing badly in the process.

Literally, I’m currently playing a game of chess over Facebook with a friend (a friend who has seen me fall down stairs, dance like an idiot, and sport noodle tentacles due to an incident involving a total independent-self-feeding fail (to be fair to myself I was using a prawn cracker as a spoon and I had something I really needed to say just as I put a giant mouthful in my gob. But never mind).

Anyway. I’m playing chess with this guy, and I haven’t played since I was about nine and anyway I was useless at chess even then so it’s safe to assume I’m not exactly Bobby Fischer now (is he even a famous chess player, the obvious reference I’m going for here?).I’m inexperienced, I don’t know how to think or plan like a chess player, and it scares me to the extent that I’m practically breaking a cold sweat. I’m just too terrified of making a stupid move and suffering an ignominious chessmate. I know I’m going down, but I want to do so without personally feeling that I’ve lost my dignity. I don’t want him to think I’m stupid – which is daft, he knows I’m intelligent; probably more intelligent than he is, and he knows it, so he’s not going to think I’m stupid (at least no more stupid than he did when I was making a total fool of myself with those infamous noodles). I just get impossibly scared  of being caught out being incompetent at something, even if it’s something ludicrous that no-one would expect me to have off pat, like, say, climbing. That’s half the reason I barely made it this term: I should have made more progress than I have.

Anyway, does anyone have the foggiest what I’m on about?

What scares you?



Filed under Life, Society, Women

4 responses to “The Fear

  1. gflawrence

    I love that this got tagged under “women” … How is this feeling exclusive to women? I don’t think it is. At all. Everyone is scared of daft things. I was scared of driving my bike when I came home from uni, in case I’d forgotten how. I hadn’t.

    • standingonthebrink

      Yeah it was a mistake – meant to be under ‘World’, not ‘Women’. Mouse-use fail! Thanks for pointing it out 🙂

  2. I guess the only thing that currently alarms me is that at some point in about 3 years time I will be responsible for keeping people alive and if I miss something or aren’t good enough then there is a chance I will fail at that.

    And that is pretty scary.

    Otherwise I don’t think there is anything specific, apart from the usual ones of “crap, if I don’t move I’m going to be hit by that bus” or whatever. I fear death, but only in terms of what it will do to my family and friends, and also that I won’t get the chance to do everything I want with my life and thats not something you can spend days being afraid of, else you’ll not get the chance to do anything with your life at all =)

  3. standingonthebrink

    That *is* pretty scary. But the people who let you in believe you can be trusted with peoples’ lives, and trusted to cope when things *do* go wrong.

    Meanwhile… you got in. And my other Big Fear is that I never will – because it’s become such a Big Deal in my head that I emphatically cannot see what else I could happily do with my life.

    However, I don’t have any fear of death, and I hold no responsibility for other peoples’ pain, so perhaps there lies my answer…!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s