Little Bits Of News And Stuff

Yesterday was a brilliant day. I went to meet up with some friends in a nearby town, where we had lunch and then went to see the new Star Trek movie. It was excellent – I never thought it would be my thing but so many people had recommended it to me that when group preference was angling for either that or the Transformers film, I plumped for Star Trek, and I am so glad I did. It was beautiful, and interesting, and well-paced, and I may have a bit of a crush on Kirk, and it was interesting to see all those weird catch-phrases and so on that I hadn’t, in my pre-geek innocence, recognised as being Trekky things, that now suddenly fell into place. Star Trek, it would appear, is one of those cultural reference-frames which is so ubiquitous you never really realise the influence it’s had. And it was highly enjoyable.

Then we went back to the depths of the countryside; C gave me a lift across the county to get there and we went via his house and an empty property his family is selling where we’re hoping to sort a party at some point before it goes. Everything in that warm late-afternoon light looked utterly beautiful. So, off we went, meeting up with the others again to set up a fire and sit around comfortably in the middle of A and T’s family’s forest, which we’ve always called The Moat, for reasons I don’t really know. I swam in the lake, warmed up by the fire, and then went home. I even got a hell of a lot of revision done on my various lengthy journeys. I never thought it would be possible to get to The Moat and back home in one day, for me, but everything just worked. A lovely, easy day, in the company of people who know me well enough that we could all just relax.

There were some people missing, who were missed. Things change – things always do. And now that I’ve started to make friends with a wholly other group I am just hoping and praying that I don’t become one of the missing. This new group, and the people in it, represent for me a whole new chapter and things I’ve never done before and never successfully managed. I have a number of choices to make now – I can have nothing, and be content with what I have, or I can give up waiting and throw myself into this terrifying but potentially brilliant new thing. And it is terrifying, to me. And I don’t know how to predict that if I do one of those things, how entirely cut off my other choices are, further down the line. I hate that I can’t see the future and make my choices based on that.

There are days when I just want to go and shut myself into the library with my revision and give up on this socialising thing altogether. It’s far, far easier, and me being me, I would be just as happy like that.

But instead, no – tonight I am going to a rehearsal, and then on to my grandmother’s house. Back from my gran’s tomorrow afternoon and straight off out to go to the pub with New Group, and then home from that and to the opticians and then straight to a party with some very, very old friends indeed on Friday, and then on Saturday my sister has a concert, and on Sunday I may be going back to Home Town to see some old friends. There are plenty of Good Work Hours in that time, on trains, in my room, in peoples’ houses, on buses, in the car, and so on, so it’s not really a problem. I just want to stop, for a second. It’s a good thing a lot of that time is spent in comfortable, familiar company. Far less stressful.

Oh, stop complaining, dear. Stop being so averagely twenty years old. Stop it, now. I’m just tired. Ignore me.